Erase and Re-wind

Recently on a train journey, I heard a woman say that not until she made peace with the death of her husband that she truly began to live. It was not until 5 years after his death that she allowed herself to lament for the first time. She finally allowed herself to face her past with all her fury and pain. Sounds odd right? After all, why wouldn’t someone not allow themselves to grieve when it is such a natural part of human emotion?

Imagine walking on a serene beach on a beautiful sunny day. You bend down, pick up a stone and amorously write a name on the sand. It could be the name of your boyfriend, husband, or just simply yours. The name implies a dream and the perfection behind it that you have taken years to create. It fills your heart with bliss when suddenly before your eyes a massive wave comes crashing and erases the name in less than a second. You stand there watching as the wave recedes and all that is left is a clean slate. No name and no fond memories. Just blankness and a profound sense of what was there.

Going back to the previous question, isn’t life something like that? At the time of outmost merriment and joy where every moment is like writing your name in the sand, beautiful and delicate when suddenly life throws a massive wave and everything is just erased.
All of us have gone through times when we just say one word “why”? Paradoxically there is no retort to that. It is a “why” written in the clouds where one puff of strong air makes it all vanish. There are two paths one can choose under these circumstances. Accept that it is happening and make your peace with it or just kick and scream and try to resist. That’s exactly what Sneha Bakshi did when she lost her only son to brain fever. “I knew my life had come to an end. He was just 5 years old and we had him after 11 years of marriage. I cried my nights away. It was so bad that I thought my heart will burst with pain. But after 6 months of undiluted ache I finally came to the realization that he will never come back and thus I made my reconciliation with it. I am not happy but I am at peace”.

When a sudden wave has left you with blankness, the toughest part is going through the process of acceptance and forgiveness. Everyone feels the hurt. Everyone feels the rage. But then one fine day when one is ready to make peace with the past, suddenly new choices before us become more exciting. Sunil Chadda’s story is something similar “I got divorced after 17 years of marriage and it was heart breaking for me. For a year, I was angry, bitter, loathing everything and everyone. Then at a trip to Rishikesh, I got so sick of my misery that I let go of my baggage. Just like that. I could not dwell in my pain anymore. I wanted to start new with clean slate and that’s exactly what I did. I am at amity now”.
There is a similarity between Sneha and Sunil. Once they freed themselves from the burdens of the past and unresolved pain, bitterness and self pity, they were free indeed. It was tough at first for sure but they knew the only way was to move ahead. There were no more lost opportunities, things that never would be, regrets, poor choices and bad experiences.
They are ready to ready to write the names on the sand again.